The game, dubbed “ I Love You, Colonel Sanders ! A Finger Lickin ’ Good Dating Simulator ” and created by entertainment/advertising company Psyop for the fried-chicken brand, follows the actor through a three-day culinary school venture ( a culinary school degree in three days… that ’ s how you know it ’ s a fantasy, am I right, folks ? ). As the main character, your storyline involves earning your degree, supporting your best supporter, and improving your culinary chops. But more than anything else, this is a date plot, and then the ultimate objective is to bag the polished Kentucky-fried dad that is the Colonel, looking good arsenic debonair as KFC ’ s CGI Instagram influencer interpretation of the man .
KFC is no stranger to using video games as a vehicle for promotion : past stunts include a virtual reality nightmare of an employee training program and an 8-bit Atari-style plot besides starring the Colonel, but never has the set about been quite so… horny. hera are the highlights you can look advancing to, should you, like me, choose to spend a copulate hours trying to date the Hot Colonel in a fried-chicken-branded video game :
Choose Your Own Adventure
The crippled unfolds in ten-spot parts, each of which involves some crucial decisions that could spell your prematurely death or otherwise bring the narrative to a regrettable stop. Yes, the stakes in this game of culinary school attractions are so high that your character might actually die, as mine did. many times. These are precisely a few of the ways I unwittingly cut short my path to culinary fame and true love :
- Going towards the light in a fried-chicken-triggered, out-of-body state of rapture
- Separating a dog from his dog biscuit
- Not keeping my libido in check and making a move too soon (repeatedly…)
not lone that, but like in any date sim, individual choices affect the object of affection ’ s feelings for the actor, setting up an ending in which you may earn the hunky Colonel ’ sulfur affection — or just a coupon to his restaurant .
Sunlight filtering into a bedroom, an academy court swirling with cherry blossoms, a cooking arena fit for Top Chef — the plot is flush with such backgrounds, which honestly wouldn ’ t look out of place in highbrow shoujo anime like Ouran High School Host Club. The characters, excessively, are appropriately well rendered, blinking and pouting in a active adequate way to suggest some planar humanness. not to mention, the food purpose actually looks appetizing .
The negotiation trends toward bum, but with enough self-awareness that many of the lines can decidedly be read as ironic. See, for exemplar, the culinary school ’ south consider mouthful of a name : “ University of Cooking School : Academy for Learning. ” Yeah, Shakespeare could never .
Like most Choose Your own venture games, this is reasonably standard chink ‘ normality ’ go. But there are a few mini challenges to switch it up, including a time quiz ( which, it turns out, you ’ re destined to lose no matter what ) and a turn-based struggle against something called a “ spork monster. ” It ’ s decidedly not dynamic enough to hold a person ’ south care for, say, the three hours I spent speed-clicking through every potential plot for this article ( not to mention my romanticist future with the Colonel ), but more than sufficient for the one or two playthroughs that a convention homo being would undertake .
There ’ south a whole host of characters present to flesh out the populace build up of this game : best supporter Miriam, spectacles-wearing Professor Dog ( a.k.a. Sprinkles ), nefarious Aashleigh and Van Van, small-statured son Pop, sentient kitchen appliance Clank, the forgettable scholar ( yes, that ’ s his actual appoint ), and, of course, the Colonel. One character gets thrown a flimsy cram of a secondary storyline — BFF Miriam has her own little beloved string going on with the scant remaining eligible bachelors — while others remain a thwart mystery. Is no one going to talk about the professor/dean/CEO talking frank ? ?
Of naturally, all of these features pale in the ( high-cheekboned, smooth-skinned ) face of the leading drawing card : he of the fried-chicken empire, Colonel Harland Sanders. Although the game never strays into particularly sexual district, there are plenty of opportunities to sensually gaze at the Colonel ’ s dapper smile ,
perfectly trimmed goatee ,
effortless side swoop of silver hair ,
surprisingly jack arms ,
and even a touch of chest of drawers at one point, and merely sigh. ( Is it just me or did person order their wimp extra hot ? ) If the finish of the game is to objectify the man who gifted the earth with eleven secret herb and spices, then mission accomplished : now, an integral generation of gamers will grow up with the cursed cognition that anime Colonel Sanders is finger lickin ’ fine .
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